Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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