Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
