I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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