i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
