dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
