my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
