Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
