You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
