craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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