Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
