1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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