fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
