I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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