Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
