Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The beer is more important than you right now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
