while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
