If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
