I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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