Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
