I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
