u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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