it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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