My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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