forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
