This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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