Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
