alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
