Your tits are I can't wait for
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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