just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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