before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
