You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
