i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have feelings that need drinking.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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