Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Boobs are out for the taking
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
