i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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