dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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