umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize