just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
