I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
