Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
