I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
