Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
