Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
