not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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