i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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