the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
