i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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