I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We are two peas in an std pod
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
