he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
