i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
