Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
