It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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