Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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