Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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