sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I looked at my own cervix.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
