Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
