just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
