My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
