I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
