I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
