i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
