God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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