after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
