i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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