Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
