Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize