I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
