Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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