i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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