You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
