Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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