Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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